you have so many dreams and aspirations, you want to see so many different places and meet different people. you want to make real connections. you want to feel like you belong. you see, it's all up to you to make those things happen. you can't expect to see the whole world from the safety of your room, looking through your window, imagining what it might be like.
i know this constant battle of craving interaction yet dreading it at the same time, of wanting to put yourself out there yet not daring to spread your wings out of fear of not being able to fly, is quite frustrating. i know you feel trapped inside your own mind sometimes. i know you feel limited by your own thoughts.
sure, avoiding any situation in which you experience discomfort might make things easier, at least for a little while. that's not the way you want to live your life though, is it? isolation is an enemy pretending to be your friend. you'll feel secure at first, comfortable in your own little bubble, not being interrupted by anyone or anything. but after a while you'll realise how lonely it gets in there. so don't trust the initial feeling of freedom, you're leading yourself into a trap. because the longer you avoid facing the world, the harder it gets.
it's never too late to break free though. and believe me when i say this, you're strong enough to do so.
make that phone call you dread making, nothing bad is going to happen. stop being afraid of asking questions, no one expects you to know everything. don't beat yourself up for being awkward. it's okay, you don't have to be perfect. open up to people and show your authentic self.
it might never be easy, but it does get easier each time you push yourself and embrace discomfort instead of avoiding it. because doing something you thought you couldn't do is an amazing accomplishment. one you have every right to be proud of.
so close your eyes. breathe in. breathe out. remind yourself of all the beautiful moments that brought you joy and know that there are many more of those waiting for you.